Itachi Has A Headache
by Yuna Yami Mouto
Summary: Itachi wakes up to a killer headache after a long and tiring mission to a hideout full of strange and LOUD people. Or: The Day The Akatsuki Learned To Fear A Pissed Off Itachi. Kisame is the only one spared. Light hints at KisaIta. Mostly crack


**Itachi Has A Headache**

 **Summary: Itachi wakes up to a killer headache after a long and tiring mission to a hideout full of strange and LOUD people. Or: The Day The Akatsuki Learned To Fear A Pissed Off Itachi. Kisame is the only one spared.**

 **A/N: Hi there! I know everyone's done a day in the life of the Akatsuki kinda thing but I couldn't resist adding this to** **the** **list! Inspired by my own** **unpleasantness** **when I have a headache and the many videos on YouTube dedicated to the** **awesomeness** **that is Uchiha Itachi. Hope you like it and that I will hear from you!**

 **WARNINGS: cussing, cursing, all around bad language, Akatsuki weirdness, a bit of OOCness, hint of KisaIta**

 **Enjoy!**

Deidera hummed as he happily walked into the communal kitchen of the Akatsuki hideout they were currently staying in, feeling strangely cheery this morning. He stopped in the doorway when he saw a tall,blue man standing by the stove, preparing a big bowl of coffee and staying as silent as possible, which was quite unusual. The big guy liked talking a lot, a side effect of spending years in the company of someone as quiet as his partner. Deidera should know; Sasori is not the most talkative person, either.

''Good morning, Kisame-dana, un.'' The blond called out and Kisame stiffened as if ice was puring down his back. He turned to look around, as if expecting a demon or something like that to jump out of one of the cabinets and kill him. This jumpiness only surprised Deidera more. Kisame wasn't one for fear. A side effect of being trained in the Mist, or so others theorized. Kisame himself always said it was because he was an awesome fighter and having an awesome partner that would watch his back.

Kisame turned around and looked at Deidera after he made sure nothing was going to jump out and kill them, although he still looked uneasy. ''Morning. Can you please keep it do-'' His almost whispered words were cut off by an excitable blond as he decided that Kisame was to bummed for someone who finally had a day off after a three month long mission.

''So you're back, un. I'm guessing that the mission was a success.'' He continued talking just as loudly as before, not caring for the frantic motions Kisama was making that indicated to him that the blue man wanted him to shut the hell up. Sasori couldn't get him to shut up and he shouldn't annoy that guy, as he is his partner and they spend a lot of alone time together. The redhead could kill him anytime he wanted and say it happened on a mission. ''But if you're back, then it means that _he_ is, too. Un.''

''We are not so lucky as for _him_ to die, Deidera.'' Said man's partner said as he walked into the kitchen, also ignoring Kisame's signs to quiet down. He made his way to the fridge and took out a bottle of orange juice and drank straight from the bottle just as Tobi ran into the kitchen. The orange masked man suddenly released a wail that had Kisame flinching away from him, as if he were the source of the world's greatest evil.

''NOOOOO!'' Tobi screamed, pounding the floor and shaking as if he were in pain. Deidera looked on in fascination as the man reached a whole new pitch while Sasori had an expression of disgust on his face. ''I wanted the orange juice! WHYYYYYY!?'' He jumped up and attached himself to Sasory's Akatsuki robes as if he were a cat. It was pretty comical, as he was almost a head taller than the puppet master. ''WHY!?''

''What the fuck!? Get off of me!'' The redhead demanded, trying to shake the crazy ninja off of him, but to no avail. Kisame had rushed up to them, trying to pry Tobi off and shut him up when Hidan walked in, looking pissed by the noise.

''Will you fucking pussies shut the damned hell up!? I'm trying to watch the motherfucking news!'' The gray haired man shouted, earning another panicked glance from Kisame in the direction of the sleeping quarters. He had been doing that since Deidera had made his appearance and he seemed more and more panicked with each passing second. He quickly used his greater strength to tear Tobi off of Sasori and rushed to the fridge, where he took out another orange juice bottle and thrust it in Tobi's hands before looking pleadingly at Hidan.

Deidera did not like the treatment and he reached into his pouch with his left hand, letting the mouth there to gather some clay and start molding his chakra into it. ''You should watch what you say, Hidan-dana, un.''

''Are you going to make me, Blondie?''

Just then, they heard the breaking of glass and all turned to see that Tobi had thrown the orange juice at the far wall, by the other entrance to the kitchen, just as Konan walked in. ''No!'' The masked crazy cried. ''I wanted _that_ orange juice!'' He said, pointing at the now completely empty bottle in Sasori's hand. Konan raised an eyebrow at them all and took in the people in the kitchen. The eyebrow arched further upwards when she saw the state Kisame was in. The shark man was pale, almost the pasty color they were used to on Orochimaru, who had left a few months ago. Was he trying to imitate the snake? That probably wasn't a good idea.

''What's going on here?'' She asked in her impassive voice as she observed them with cool eyes. She saw Kisame suddenly relax, as if relieved by her quiet demeanor and hoping she would keep the others quiet. It only made her more curious as to his behavior. Just seconds ago, he looked as if he would be facing death any minute now. Now that it was quiet, he had relaxed and went back to the pot of coffee he had made. Konan noted that he had a tray beside him that held a light breakfast consisting of some bread and eggs and fruit, something not suited for a meat lover like Kisame, along with a small cup of tea, as well as some dango sticks. She didn't understand. Was Kisame's partner sick? Everyone knew that you ate Itachi's dango only if you have a death wish, so Kisame must be taking them up to his partner.

Hidan broke the peace. ''These little fucks were making too much noise!''

''Sasori drank my orange juice!'' Tobi wailed again and Sasori growled at him.

''It's not just yours, you selfish little piece of trash!''

''Hidan threatened us, un!'' Deidera added and a shouting matched started up again. Konan watched as Kisame tried in vein to stop them from arguing again, but he was totally ignored and he looked to be getting paler and paler by the second. He resembled Orochimaru in color once again, looking like he wanted to run but refraining from doing so because he knew what was waiting for him if he _did_ try running.

''Why don't you just shut the fuck up!?'' A new voice shouted, louder than all the others before him and Kisame almost died on the spot. Was it too much to ask for them to be quiet for just one morning? Just for a few hours until he medicine kicks in? Kakuzu walked in from behind Hidan, pushing the man roughly out of the way and ignoring the rise in chakra he felt behind him. He went to the cabinet and took out a jar of cookies and started munching on them, never once asking anyone if they wanted any. ''If all you do is stand around here and argue, you will never profit and will only give me a headache.''

Kisame perked up at this. This was his chance! He just needed to tell them now, while the topic was out in the open. He was sure they would understand ... right? But his chance was stolen from him by Deidera and Tobi, both of whom had a sweet tooth and had given their own money for hose cookies as they jumped on Kakuzu, Hidan and Sasori forgotten for the moment.

''You bastard, those are our cookies! Un.'' Deidera yelled as he tried to reach said cookies. Tobi was hugging the man around the waist, not letting him to move around, crying out for his cookies.

''Tobi be a good boy and buy cookies! Tobi's cookies!''

Kakazu snorted as he pushed them away with his hair. ''In this world of profit, only those who act fast and bold can make a profit. I took the cookies first, but you paid for them, meaning you lost profit and I gained some.''

''That's it!'' Deidera yelled as his left hand finished chewing the clay. Out came a big spider and Deidera wiggled free of the hair. ''You will pay for eating my cookies, un.'' And he threw the spider at Kakuzu. The little clay creature immediately attached itself to the man and he accidentally dropped both Tobi and the cookies as he tired to get the thing off of him. ''Art is a blast, un.''

Kisame dived over the little tray he had made when an explosion shook the kitchen. When the dust cleared up, they saw that they will be needing a new counter and a new stove, but the rest was relatively undamaged. Sasori had hidden himself in his big puppet, Kakuzu had covered himself in his hair and Deidera had jumped out of the kitchen. Tobi had hidden himself under the table, munching on the cookies and not at all caring that he could have died. Kisame himself was saved because Pein had just waked in, looking disgruntled as the last of his technique disappeared. He had obviously done something to stop the explosion from destroying the whole house they used as a hideout.

''What's going on here so early in the morning?'' The orange haired man asked, staring at them all with his unnerving eyes. Konan stood by his side, unruffled as ever. The Leader looked them all over and raised an eyebrow at the broken bottle of orange juice, the few cookies on the floor and Kisame, still lying on the floor and protecting a small tray. The blue skinned man looked a bit sheepish but he then looked at the thing he had been protecting and sighed in relief. He quickly stood up, tray in hand, and walked over to the flower vase Konan always put on one of the counters to liven the room up. Hey, she might be an Akatsuki and a shinobi, but she was still a girl and she liked flowers. So sue her.

''Leader-sama,'' the shark respectfully greeted with a small bow and Pein nodded back as his acceptance of the greeting. He turned back to the rest of his followers as Kisame made to hurry out of the room. Pein opened his mouth to demand answers, when he saw that his favorite mug had been broken in the explosion.

''DEIDERA!'' He all but roared at the blond man and Kisame stiffened. He let out a whimper of sorts when Pein marched into the room to scoldingly yell at the dense, explosion obsessed man, so only Konan heard. Deidera continued complaining in a very loud voice and Kisame suddenly started retreating into a corner beside the door, where he would practically be out of sight by anyone who was about to enter the kitchen.

Suddenly, the house was filled with an ominous aura, an intent to kill so strong and stifling that everyone in the kitchen froze in their places. The presence strengthened as they sensed a person coming closer, because even in his rage, they knew this person was as silent and graceful as a swan. A second later, the kitchen was filled with a tension so thick and heavy that couldn't be cut even with a chakra blade. Their eyes widened when Uchiha Itachi, dressed only in his night clothes, entered the kitchen, Mangekyo Sharingan blazing.

Deidera, the suicidal blond, was the first to break the awkward silence with a loud huff. ''Finally decided to join the living, Itachi-dana, un.'' They nearly had a heart attack when a perfect black eyebrow twitched at the sound of the man's loud voice. Kisame did his best to make himself as small as he could. Oh, Itachi knew he was there, there was no doubt about that. Sometimes, the man seemed all-seeing and all-knowing. His partner just wasn't going to focus on him until he dealt with the irritants.

When the Uchiha didn't say anything, just kept staring at them with his Mangekyo, the room's occupants became a bit uncomfortable. Finally, Pein spoke up. ''Is something the matter, Itachi?''

''Itachi-sama!'' They _all_ winced at the pitch and loudness of Tobi's voice. The man had climbed out from underneath the table and was now waving around a half empty jar of cookies, the little sweets flying in all directions and making Deider and Kakuzu complain about the loss of the cookies rather loudly. The black eyebrow started twitching earnestly and Kisame closed his eyes and covered his ears. Itachi lowered his head so his long bangs hid his eyes from sight, making Konan step away from him and accidentally bumping into the counter beside the door, making a glass fall to the ground. The shattering of glass seemed to echo throughout the house and everyone suddenly realized that chakra had started rising. Itachi seemed to be glowing red. ''Want a cookie?'' Tobi, oblivious to the anger and danger rising around the raven haired youngest member of the Akatsuki, skipped over to Itachi and shoved the jar under his nose.

He was flung back as a red form of chakra materialized around the Uchiha. Everyone, even Pein, watched in horror as a behemoth rose behind Itachi, looking like a red, fiery skeleton. It raised its yellow eyes just as Itachi raised his thunderous expression to his fellow Akatsuki. The Mangekyo Sharingan began to spin and the occupants of the room made to take a step back. However, the Susanoo was blocking all exits with its body.

''Tsukuyomi!''

There was no escape.

00000

Not even five minutes later, Itachi turned to leave the kitchen, the floor littered with his fellow Akatsuki members, all whimpering. The kitchen was completely destroyed except the wall behind Itachi.

When he turned around, Kisame scrambled to his feet and quietly but hurriedly made his way to his partner. Black eyes glance up at him when he timidly extended the tray to the Uchiha and Itachi looked down at the offering. His annoyance disappeared and he gave Kisame a small smile in thanks and nodded his head. Kisame grinned as he got the message: take it upstairs. He stepped aside and let Itachi pass before going over to see the others slowly recovering. With all the horrors they had faced, and Itachi's head still hurting him and as such making the Tsukuyomi slightly weaker, they were recovering rather well.

Pein was the first to rise from the floor by sitting up. He was still too shaky to go any further than that without embarrassing himself. ''Kisame, what exactly is wrong with your partner?''

''Yeah, what crawled up his ass and died, un?'' Deidera asked from where he was still shaking like a newborn dear, but he had obviously recovered enough to all but ask for more torture. Kisame and the others couldn't help but wonder if he was a masochist.

The blue man just shrugged, making sure to keep quiet so the others would follow his lead. Seeing as Kisame was the only one spared, they actually did as he advised them to and stayed quiet. ''Itachi-san woe up with a headache this morning. I figured some peace and quiet, as well as dango, would help him feel better after he took his medicine. Unfortunately, the medicine takes at least half an hour before it starts taking effect.''

''Why didn't you warn us?'' Sasori asked, managing to get to his feet after his third try. He still needed to keep a hold of the ruined wall behind him to stay upright.

A glare crossed Kisame's face as he turned to follow his partner. ''I did. Well, at least I did _try_ but everyone was too busy doing the _exact thing_ I was trying to tell you _not_ to do to listen to me. You brought this on yourself, really.'' With that, the tall ninja walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

After another half an hour, everyone had managed to get themselves back together and they looked over the mess in the kitchen, none daring to speak unless they get a repeat performance.

Finally, Konan spoke. ''All in favor of never being loud after Itachi-kun comes back from a mission say 'Aye'?''

''Aye!'' The whisper yelled and that was the day the Akatsuki learned to fear a pissed off Itachi. There was no repeat performance and the house was always stocked with dango.

Itachi with a headache was a scary thing.

OWARI

 **r &r**


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